[original post from March 30th was taken down until some former employer issues were resolved -- I'm just now reposting it as I think about posting here again.]
It’s March 30th at 4:30am and I’m sitting on our futon in the living room writing what I think will be the first entry in a new blog. No, I’m not this much of an early bird and, no, it’s definitely not that I’m this passionate about starting a new blog. The idea just came to me a few minutes ago actually. Emerson, my almost 3-year old son, woke up crying for me at 2:30am and came to bed with us and I just could not fall back to sleep. This has happened to me a lot since I became pregnant (baby boy #2 is due July 8th!), but even more so in recent weeks. Once I wake up, regardless of what time it is, my brain just will not stop. So at about 4am I decided to get up, have a bowl of cereal, take care of a few emails that were on my mind (family small group, greeter coordination for church, etc.) and then sit down to write this post.
It’s March 30th at 4:30am and I’m sitting on our futon in the living room writing what I think will be the first entry in a new blog. No, I’m not this much of an early bird and, no, it’s definitely not that I’m this passionate about starting a new blog. The idea just came to me a few minutes ago actually. Emerson, my almost 3-year old son, woke up crying for me at 2:30am and came to bed with us and I just could not fall back to sleep. This has happened to me a lot since I became pregnant (baby boy #2 is due July 8th!), but even more so in recent weeks. Once I wake up, regardless of what time it is, my brain just will not stop. So at about 4am I decided to get up, have a bowl of cereal, take care of a few emails that were on my mind (family small group, greeter coordination for church, etc.) and then sit down to write this post.
Two weeks ago I found out – completely out of the blue – that they were restructuring the HR department I had worked with for almost 5 years and my position was being eliminated, effective immediately. Did I mention that I am 6 months pregnant and the primary breadwinner for our family? Needless to say, the last two weeks have been ridden with stress and readjustment. Thankfully I have had the support of a wonderful husband and amazing friends and we know this change is ultimately going to be something we look back on with appreciation.
We had already paid for Emerson’s school (day care) through March, so we decided to keep him there through today to allow him to transition out. It’s very bittersweet for me to think that today is his last day at the Little Green Tree House. It’s like the end of an era or something. He started going there when we was 12 months old and has transitioned from the infant class, to the toddler class, to the advanced toddler class and he was just about to transition to the preschool class. He has learned so much there and has such great socialization with teachers and friends that I’m sad to see it come to an end.
On Monday, I start a new role as a SAHM (stay at home mom). If I am to be totally honest, this new role comes to me with one part joy and excitement and one part fear and trembling. I am so excited to have more time with my sweet Emerson, especially as we prepare to welcome his baby brother into the world in a few short months. When Emerson was 3 months old and I went back to work, it wasn’t long before I requested to take a step back at work because he had completely changed my world and I wasn’t willing to work late and sacrifice even a minute at home with him at night. I’m so excited to have real week days with him – not just those tough moments in the morning before work/school when he doesn’t feel like getting dressed to get out the door or the all too short moments at night when he doesn’t want to quit playing hockey to eat dinner or go to bed. But the honest part of me is quite anxious too. I’ve never thought that I was cut out to be a full time SAHM. Despite that old adage about the “terrible twos”, I really believe it’s going to be the “terrible threes”. We’ve just started to get glimpses of the independence and uncontrollable emotions of our almost three year old. His toddler emotions + my pregnant hormonal emotions = a bad combination. Plus I’ve been so easily worn out while being pregnant this time, so I sort of can’t imagine how I’ll make it through these last 14 weeks of pregnancy while chasing a toddler around full time. Last, but not least, I’m worried I won’t be able to educate him at the level in which he has been being educated for the past two years. I’m not an early childhood educator and I don’t know enough about early childhood development to know what he could be learning and when. Close friends have told me not to worry about this, but the thing is – I do. As a small example, I would have never thought about teaching him the days of the week or the months of the year at this point in his life yet. It’s not really relevant to his day-to-day and quite possibly I wouldn’t have even realized he could learn it. Yet, he has known them for several months now and it’s been super helpful as we talk about activities coming up in our week and certainly helping him to understand that his baby brother is due to arrive in July. I don’t want him to lose those things or that traction in learning. And I’m determined that he won’t – I’ll learn and we’ll learn together.
So this is me... Kelly Cantwell as of early-spring 2012. Stay at home mom. Wanna be preschool teacher. Preggo lady. This blog will be documentation of my journey and, if nothing else, it will give me something to do when I can’t fall back to sleep in the wee hours of the morning.
Peace,
k
